Unexpected Defenses
by chloenitram88
Summary: Random Humanstuck adventures of the beta and alpha gang. Warning has mentions of sexual content. Do tell me if there are grammar mistakes. Rated T for Language and sexual situations
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own Homestuck but you already that. Just saying.**

 **Unexpected Defenses**

 **Ch.1**

 **Karkat**

Working the cash register of your cousin's store is not what you imagined for the summer of your senior year. Maybe you should have told Kankri to fuck off, instead of your nonexistent summer plans. After a long ass lecture, he volunteered you for Kanaya's shop. Fucking Kankri, he is so nosy. Who knows how long you will be forced to work here.

Maybe you can blackmail Gamzee and Tavros to work here as well, but they might start making out. Sollux is out, Eridan might start hitting on people. Feferi might do it, Aradia is trying to reform Sollux from an asshole, so she is always tried,and making little progress. Rose, Dave, John and Jade are unaccounted for. Nepeta probably has a sugar high and is chasing something or the other while Equius is chasing her. Vriska is probably playing the hate-love game with Terezi or sending mean texts to Tavros, the girl really does need take a hint. Someone should inform her of Tavros dating Gamzee, but it is sure as hell isn't gonna be you. Maybe, you could make a subtle to the other members of the group to tell her. That would would solve the problem. Probably.

Terezi should really make up her mind on dating someone, about building someone's hopes only to knock them down. Not that you still have a crush on her or anything.

You look around your cousin's clothes shop that is filled with mostly her designs. While you know she worked hard, you have yet to realize the full extend of it. You know she had to fight for the deed to this building, you know they didn't take her seriously at first. No one would tell you what happened for her to get the deed, and probably never will. After sighing for no apparent reason, you lay your head down for a few minutes, then your phone starts buzzing. After your phone stops buzzing, you hear the doorbell ring.

You don't look up for a personal principal. Yep, to show you give 0 fucks about what they want. You are gonna be a douchey cash register guy, who won't give them any shitty help. That is the job of the other people who all decided to take a break at the same time. The bastards. Who do they think they are? Your resolute not to look up, is strained when you feel them staring at know what you look like, with you short and curly black hair, your faintly tanned skin, your strange reddish hazel eyes, short height. You not so ugly or beautiful for them to be staring, unless this about them wanting can play at this game, you won't look up.

After what feels like two hours,(but according to the clock 10 minutes) you look up. The person that is staring looks like Dave Strider. You say looks like because this guy is taller by a few inches, has spiker hair, pointier shades, and likes a tad bit cooler. Not that you think Dave is cool, why would you think that BS, he is lame. This guy has blonde hair like him, and the same stoic facial expression. He has a white T-shirt with a orange hat on it, 'ironic' shit must run in the family. His friend,maybe boyfriend, catches you eye. He has tanned skin like those who run around under the sun. His manner reminds you of Jade, but he looks more like John with his eyes full of mischief. His dark green eyes, and kind of spiked hair. He has a t-shirt with a green squid thingy on it, a dark green jacket, and cargo pants. The way he keeps glancing at the Strider, well, if you didn't think they were a couple before, now you believe it. He walks toward you. Looks like you have to use different language than you usually do.

"Hello , how can I help you?" , you added Mister. You believe that is good enough formal language.


	2. Meanwhile with Vriska

**I don't own Homestuck but you already that. Just saying.**

 **Unexpected Defenses**

 **Ch.2**

 **Vriska**

You are awoken by little hand paps. You turn your head only to be papped huff, sit up and look at the triplets (two 8oys and a girl). The 8oy on the right is Jacion, the 8oy on the left is Jaymon, and the girl in your lap is Jordan. They are eight years you think their names will get them 8ullied. Your mother would say, "If I wanted to hear your damned opinion I would ask for it," if you remarked on it. You rather not hear her attitude if you could help it. You look at the kids occupying your space.

You have to admit your half siblings are adorable little shits. Big blue eyes (reminding you of yours), their blond hair (contrasting to your blue black hair), and tan skin (darker that your pale white skin). Your act more like the wicked queen instead of Snow White, but you could care less. They peer at you, they are probably hungry. They are quiet children, truly Jacion does most of the talking, even though they all can talk. You don't quite know what happened to them before they came to live with your family. Even though you and sister are related to them, you mother never said from which side. Your mother was gone for almost two years a long time ago, which means she could have easily have given birth to them. 8ut that doesn't matter really. You push Jordan out of your lap, and jump off the bed running through the medium-sized hallway of the fairly big apartment. You hear them running after you as you jump and lay on the couch. In a single file order they sit in front of the couch facing the TV. Really polite adorable little shits. God, sometimes they are too cute for their own good.

Considering you have the remote to the TV, you could turn to anything. You turn to Sesame Street. You grew up watching this, why shouldn't they. They seem transfixed staring at the Elmo, Oscar, and Cookie Monster. You get off the couch, and deftly avoid stepping on the kids, and head to the kitchen. Once in the kitchen, you prepare breakfast consisting of cereal. This time there is actually milk. (Sometimes no one goes grocery shopping.) After everyone eats, you wash dishes and watch cartoons with the kids the rest of the day. It was pretty peaceful, and just what you needed after dealing with bullshit and school work. You were considerably close to being content. Almost happy, almost.

John calls later, but you only answer b/c the kids are finally asleep, and you don't wanna hear their voices now. It is 10 p.m. You and John talk for a bit. You finally fall asleep around one a.m. after goofing around on the internet.

The next day you do the same thing. Someone should go grocery shopping.

:::;)


	3. Meanwhile with Sollux

**Warning: Has descriptions of sexual situations**

* * *

 **Sollux**

You are gaming with most of your 'friends', expect for Vriska and KK. KK, according to GZ is working at Kanaya's shop. Vriska is probably looking after her little siblings, you think you are only who knows she has younger siblings. AA, your girlfriend is running her hands through you short light brown hair. You are sitting on the floor facing the screen with your back on her legs and she is sitting on the couch behind you. The couch is an ugly shade of green, probably for Strider's bro's fiance . Your playing a game with Dave and John, you're winning for now. You realize if you get too cocky, the tables will turn. You will teach these fools you are not to messed with for now, especially when it comes games.

After you win the third time, you set off to the Strider bathroom. You can only hope it is not filled with those weird puppets Dave's brother keeps around the house. Though you admit it is funny to see Dave flip out over them.

When you get to the bathroom you notice the door is closed, but not locked. You decide that even this looks suspoious, you really don't care. You open the door to see -... Something that makes you look at Tavros differently for the rest of your life. You expected it of Gamzee, but not Tavros. Now the image is burned into your eyes. You are forever scarred.

You abscond and wait an hour. Then go back to the bathroom, do your business, and return to the living room. No, you didn't see Tavros and Gamzee basically having sex in the Strider bathroom. You didn't see anything. And told Tavros as much when he asked about. Gamzee looks like he doesn't care. He also smirks broadly when he and Tavros return to the living room. Stupid clowns and their need for bathroom sex.


	4. Karkat's sequel starring Dirk and Jake

**Karkat**

Mr. Fuckass, as you have named him, doesn't react to the name. You aren't as unnerved by this reaction as you could have been. Considering Dave does this kind of shit all the time.

His boyfriend clears his throat."So, old chap, I'm Jake English. And my... fiance is Dirk Strider. We came to pick a package, that Miss Maryam said would be ready for us. Is it ready?" You notice his voice is full of disbelief as if he can't believe he has a male fiance. You have to wonder if he related to John or Jade, he seems like them. A lot like John with green eyes and a slightly different hairstyle. Not that you think of John of a lot.

You suddenly remember that you were instructed to give a package to a Jake English, but how were you suppose to Dave's brother was going to show up as well? The packet is under this desk/counter thing. It is wrapped in green and orange paper. Weird. You won't attempt to fathom the mind of you cousin's girlfriend while she was wrapping this. Nope, you aren't going there.

Anyway, you hand them the package, and you notice Jake blushes faintly at the sight of it. You wonder what that is about. Makes you curious of the cont-... No! You are not going ask, you are not going to-.

"What is in the box and what is it for?" Damn it, you asked. Past you is a fucking dumb ass.

Dirk raises his eyebrows. "You don't know? It is a surprise, it is for our up coming wedding." He has a faint blush and geez, he is adorable! No wonder he is getting married, to stop people from throwing themselves at him.

Jake clears his throat and you realize you staring at his future husband. You look down to get your flaming red face under control. "Say, what was your name again?"

"My name is Karkat." You wonder if it was a good idea to tell him your name when he repeats it over and over.

He snaps his fingers. "By golly, I know of you! You're one of the ole' boys who was quite taken with Jade!" he exclaims. "Why don't you come to the wedding."

You plan to avoid weddings, especially after last time. The only one you feel you would have to go to is Gamzee's marriage to Tavros. Seriously, the clownfuck is in deeply love with that kid. You have to admit to jealousy over that. You start to say no, but his face is so happy, you give in and say yes. He squeals! Fucking squeals!

"Yes, I can't wait to see you there. John will tell you about the details, or you could ask Miss Maryam. Tally ho!" and with that he leaves with Strider. You're speechless, Sollux would be surprised (and pleased). You love that guy assumed everything. But whatever, now you need nice clothes.


End file.
